Tree dies in fatal SUV "felling"

Sequoia National Park, California. A 1000 year old tree died last Sunday after being involved in a fatal SUV "felling". Reports say the 200 foot-tall giant sequoia tree jumped on the parked SUV "from behind a bush" and then proceeded to "crush it to death, horribly. Horibbly, horribly." The mangled remains of the SUV were later found underneath the tree. Both tree and the SUV died at the scene before paramedics arrived.

Representatives of the Earth Liberation Front denied that they had earlier met with the tree and persuaded it to give its life to the ELF's war against SUVs.

The remains of the tree will be cremated later this month.